Damn. I had been doing so well for so many months. Then WHAM. From nowhere. The pain started snaking its way back in. Was it the stress of a presentation I had to make in front of a prospective client? Was it the humidity? The unseasonal chill in the air? The baba ganoush?My first reaction is to churn with anger. No. Not now. Go away. Damn you to hell.
But then I realize that the anger only riles up the neurotransmitters that fuel the pain. And besides, the pain is part of me, and there's no sense in raging against my self.
So, what do I say to myself to get through this episode? This may sound a bit crystal-headed, but it works for me. I say:
"All the healing forces in the universe pass through my body."
With each breath, I take in the surrounding molecules and the ones they have come in contact with, and the ones they have come in contact with, and the ones they have come in contact with - to the end (or the beginning) of time and space. It all flows through me. And some of it must be healing.
What do you say to yourself when you have a relapse (or when your partner does)?
2 comments:
Great post! I usually just try to internalize the knowledge that "this too shall pass" as it always does in its own good time. Might not be when I want it to, but eventually it will. I also think back to specific situations and events in the past where the pain has been either especially bad or has gone away. Then I realize that it does come and go and even when it's very bad, there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
It's not usually what I say when I relapse, it's what I say when I have a remission. I immediately start chiding myself for not doing more, for being so lazy--I forget right away what the intensity of the pain is like and accuse myself of imagining it all. Until it hits me whammo again, and I think, "oh." Over and over, this cycle, though less since I live in more pain more continuously than not. Sometimes, yes, the good days make me think scooter schmooter, just get walking and I do what I can, too much and then soon after I'll be limited to the couch full time, only a shower every few days and restroom trips.
If I have a really bad pain episode I feel panicky because I don't know how long it's going to last and I don't like staying at very high pain because it's absolute misery and I can't focus on anything else.
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